Taboos in Baba Nyonya Marriages

Having grown up with a Nyonya or Peranakan grandmother, there’s a lot of taboos and pantang-larang that you have to follow since young. The pantang-larang list ranges from the daily life activities up to special occasions. Let me share with you some of the taboos or peranakan marriage pantang-larang which I still remember:

* Pregnant women are prohibited to touch the items (gift, stuffs, wedding beds etc) or join in the preparations for the marriage ceremony. They are also strongly prohibited from entering the wedding chamber!

* If you have just given birth and have not celebrated the baby’s full moon, the mother and baby are not allowed to join in the marriage celebration or should I say they are not allowed to step in the front door of the groom and bride to be’s house! Even the family members staying in the same house are not welcomed as they are also deemed as “not cleansed“ yet until the baby’s “Full Moon“ celebration.

* Family members who are still mourning the passing away of their family member are also not allowed to join the Peranakan Marriage ceremony as it was deemed very inauspicious to the marriage couple.

* It is a major offences to the peranakan family during the olden days if the guests are wearing a whole black attire or white attire while joining the marriage ceremony as these attire are strictly mend for “sorrow occasion“ or funeral attire.

Match-making and Enquiring Ceremony

Match-making ceremony

In the past, all of the Baba and Nyonya’s weddings were arranged marriages. This is because they followed the tradition of Chinese. Normally, the elderly people will seek the service of a match maker when they felt that their child had come of age to be married.

The match-maker can be a professional match maker who normally has a large network of friends or he/she might be one of the close relative or friends. As a return for the successful match making service, the match maker will receive a red-packet with money and roasted pig trotter.


Enquiring (Merisik) ceremony

A group of elderly people (from the bridegroom family) will visit the short listed future-daughter-in law’s family. This visit is known as “merisek”, a custom that you could find both in Malay and Chinese community.

The “merisek” group is normally headed by the match-maker and a few elderly relatives from the bridegroom. However, the bridegroom’s parents will not participate in this “merisek” visit. The “merisek” group will inform the girls’ family of their intention and to seek approval.

They will not talk formally like in normal daily conversations, but talk in a mixture of pantun. It is from Malay influence.

To ensure that the couple will have happy day after their marriage, they will ask for the selected girls’ date of birth or “Pek Zhi“. Later, they will consult a Feng Shui Master to check the boy and girl compatibility with each other. After everyone has come to an agreement, a ceremony of exchanging gifts between the two families known as Lapchai which also known as engagement day will be held.
The common gifts used for the “Lapchai” ceremony between the families of the bride and groom before the wedding are
• jewelleries pig trotter
• auspicious fruits
• a pair of red candles
• dowry (money)

Baba and Nyonya Wedding - Introduction

The Baba Nyonya, which also known as Cina Peranakan is one of the unique community found in Melaka. This community had existed before the 15th century due to intermarriages between the Chinese traders and local Malays. The intermarriages increased after marriage of Sultan Mansur Syah with Princess Hang Li Poh from China.

Written records from the 19th and early 20th centuries show that Peranakan men usually took bride from within the local Peranakan community. Peranakan families occasionally imported brides from China and sent their daughters to China to find husbands.

Most Baba and Nyonya are not Muslim, and have followed the traditions of the Chinese, although some have been converted to Christian.

In the past, the Baba and Nyaonya mainly resides along Heeren Street (Jalan Tun Tan Cheng Lock) & Jonker Street in the heart of Melaka city. Their existence could be seen clearly based on their unique house architecture, costume (Kebaya Nyonya & Kasut manek-manek), cooking and language (Bahasa Peranakan).

A traditional Baba and Nyonya’s wedding is complex as there are many rites preparations and ceremonies which lasts up to 12 days. Therefore, now, most of the younger generation prefers to skip some of the ceremonies.

Similar like their Chinese counterpart, the Baba and Nyonya put a great emphasis on choosing lucky dates and times which believe will bring good luck for them or their family. However, their taboos are much more and strictly than the Chinese.

The wedding ceremony of the Baba and Nyonya is mostly based on Chinese tradition, and is one of the most colourful wedding ceremonies in Malaysia. At weddings, the Dondang Sayang, a form of extempore rhyming song in Malay which sung and danced by guests at the wedding party, was a highlight. Someone would begin a romantic theme which was carried on by others, each taking the floor in turn, dancing in slow gyrations as they sang. It required quick wit and repartee and often gave rise to laughter and applause when a particularly clever phrase was sung. The melodic accents of the Baba and Nyonya lend to the charm of this performance.